Never one to knowingly underuse a joke
Dr. Douglas Clow came up with the following:
Food of the Plods
Anthony Hopkins stars as a not-very-capable scientist who only retains his
job as a Junior Lecturer in a run-of-the-mill provincial University
because he got tenure back in the 1970s when they still did that sort of
thing. He struggles against the enormous odds of his ineptitude to create
a foodstuff that will cause anything to grow to enormous size. In a
thousand to one accident, and because of his ignorance of the rigorous
safety procedures which might have prevented it, some of it gets left on
the set of a second-rate sitcom based in a Police station and starring
Rowan Atkinson, where the rest of the cast consumes it and grows to
enormous size. Unfortunately they are still smaller than Mr Atkinson's
ego and the sitcom proceeds. The University authorities are overjoyed on
discovering the incident because it means they can finally fire the
witless scientist for gross misconduct.
Thermite and Louise
Hard-hitting tale about two women who set out for a happy weekend away
together. However, circumstances overtake them and their plans soon
change: they discover the attractions of highly-exothemic metal redox
reactions and take up careers as welding engineers instead.
The Remains of the Data
A poignant character study, based on one person's struggle to recover an
accidentally deleted file on their computer.
The Municipal Seven
Yul Brynner stars as the foreman of a small group of Local Council manual
Played to an intrusive musical backdrop by the Spice Girls which sounds
very modern now but will be recognised for the tat it is in five years'
time, Dustin Hoffman is an undergraduate who develops a crush on a married
woman almost twice his age. Unfortunately for Dustin Hoffman, her
relationship with her husband is very important to her and she doesn't
find feckless youth attractive anyway, so she's just not interested.
Val Kilmer stars as an accountant who finds it difficult to throw things
away, even when they're patently without value. Thrills and excitement
abount as he struggles to find space in his cupboards and loft for the
junk he accumulates through his humdrum life.
Bill and Ted's Non-excellent Adventure
Keanu Reeves and the one whose name no-one can remember are two
high-school kids who'd rather fantasise about becoming rock stars than do
their history assignment. When a strange, tall figure strides into their
lives they hope that he'll help them realise a future beyond their wildest
dreams. Unfortunately, he's only the school truant officer, and the high
point of their future turns out to be when they manage to hold down jobs
at McDonalds for four months.
The Great Escapade
Incarcerated in the Nazis' highest-security prison camp during WW2, a
group of British POWs (including Steve McQueen and Donald Pleasance)
plan a daring and heroic escape. When their first escape plan is
discovered by the prison guards, weeks before it is put into action, the
camp Commandant has every last one of the conspirators shot forthwith.
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